Rock the Boat. Just Don’t ‘Over-Row’ It.

There’s a telling quote from the late psychologist and author Dr. Anne Wilson Schaef that sums up a common battle: “Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.”

As a former chief information officer turned executive leadership and life coach, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed the pitfalls of perfectionism, especially for women leaders who take on more than they can handle and struggle under the weight of unrealistic expectations.

In fact, a recent Linkage survey found 66% of women admitted to being perfectionists in their approach to work, and a staggering 81% reported saying “yes” to all work requests, even unreasonable ones. Interestingly, I don’t see this issue with the male leaders I coach.

Linkage Growth Marketing Director Deana LaFauci calls this “over-rowing the boat.” And it’s an apt description for a problem so many women leaders face. Because by trying to do it all—and do it perfectly—women inadvertently hinder their own progress.

Women tend to volunteer more for high-profile projects and constantly add to their responsibilities to prove their worth as they climb the leadership ladder. However, these behaviors often cause burnout, stress, and mental health concerns, ultimately impacting the very success they seek.

According to Deloitte's 2023 Women @ Work research, 51% of women experience higher stress levels than the previous year. But that stress isn’t translating into any significant gains—because a 2022 McKinsey study found for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 87 women and 82 women of color received the same opportunity.

To break free from the cycle of “over-rowing,” women leaders must transition from doing it all to inspiring and enabling others. Like LaFauci, I believe the key lies in shifting from self-reliance to multiplication—by empowering those around us.

I often say to clients, "Just because you possess the capability, doesn't mean you must apply it."

By resisting the urge to do it all and be everything for everyone, you’ll certainly be rocking the boat in most male-dominated fields. But you won’t be “over-rowing” it to your own detriment.

Instead, a more sustainable path to personal growth and empowerment involves sharing knowledge and responsibilities. When we delegate and say “no,” we empower others to step into their strengths while we cultivate our own potential.

Making the ‘Right Waves’

As with all change, it starts with a ripple. And eventually, the theories we put into practice become behaviors that can alter our course—or what I like to call make the “right waves.”

One of the best ways to start is by identifying instances of perfectionism in your professional and personal life. I love these three steps, adapted from LaFauci and Carla Harris, co-chair of Linkage’s Women in Leadership Institute:

• Reflect on areas where you can let go of control and abandon tasks that no longer serve you.
• Release the urge to micromanage and focus your efforts on activities where you can make a substantial difference—such as providing guidance and serving as a subject matter expert. Simultaneously, pinpoint tasks where your expertise or talents are not essential, and delegate them to others. This not only empowers you but also fosters the growth and development of those you entrust with responsibilities.
• Embrace the discomfort of relinquishing control, as it offers valuable learning opportunities for others.

Next, LaFauci encourages women to put this theory into practice with a simple activity to kickstart your empowerment:

Set aside five minutes and create a list of all the tasks you completed in your previous work day. Rank them in order of importance, starting with those that highlight your unique strengths or add value to the work your organization does; these are what reinforce your leadership capabilities.

Now it’s time to take a closer look at the bottom of that list, at the activities that don’t require your hands-on expertise. These are your priority items for delegation, the tasks that you can give to others to help them shine.

By shifting from “over-rowing” to empowering, you are providing yourself and others on your team the opportunity to grow.

It’s time to navigate the waters of success with this new mindset—one that not only elevates you, but also lifts up the women around you.

Denise Musselwhite is a tech executive turned leadership coach, speaker, and strategist. After 25 years in the tech industry, she founded Tech & Thrive, a coaching and consulting practice that provides personalized coaching solutions to help women and diverse professionals in tech overcome the hidden barriers holding them back. Learn more about Denise and her coaching at denisemusselwhite.com.