‘Crush Your Self-Doubt’: An Open Letter to Women in Tech

Dear Remarkable Woman:

Today is the day you begin a journey to crush your self-doubt. I call it a “journey,” because the road is long and winding. It’s one I’m still “walking,” too—but it’s time to marvel at how far I’ve come.

I’m writing this because I want you to know that you are not alone. That by succeeding in a male-dominated industry, you’ve already overcome so many challenges and hidden barriers put in your way. That your success should be celebrated because of its individual accomplishment and what it means for all the women who’ll come after you.

Despite this, too many of us struggle with a deeper kind of fear. A fear that comes from within—and one that I find is much harder to control. Unfortunately, I know this fear too well; we’ve “walked” together for a while.

That’s why it’s finally time for me to share “our” deeply personal story:

Picture this—I recently stood, accepting beautiful affirmations and accolades after a significant professional milestone. That’s when a familiar voice tried to steal the moment.

If you’ve worked with me before, or saw my recent LinkedIn post, you already know her name: “Cruella.”

She’s a toxic companion, eager to diminish my achievements with whispers of doubt.

She likes to tell me stories couched in my failures.

“You’re not as good as they say.”

“They don’t really mean it; they’re just being polite.”

“You’ll never be able to really achieve what you want.”

All these self-doubts and inner criticism—internal conflict amidst external success—aren’t unique to me. Unfortunately, they’re shared by many of the leaders I coach and the professionals I speak with who are navigating the challenging landscape of an industry dominated by outdated norms.

Tech’s relentless pace and often toxic work culture can leave us feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated, struggling with the dual burdens of pressure around us and self-doubt inside us.

As a woman in tech, how do you find your footing and assert your deserved space—your right to be seen and heard, to lead and achieve?

For me, taming my inner-self critic is a constant battle that requires a healthy combination of self-awareness and self-compassion. In fact, I think of it like trekking up a mountain, trying to keep climbing higher, leaving the harmful self-talk far, far behind—in search of perfectly clear summit skies.

That’s probably why I gravitated toward the invaluable guidance in Brianna Wiest’s “The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery.” Wiest dives deep into the heart of our internal struggles, offering clear, actionable strategies to combat the self-sabotage that many of us face.

She writes:

"The very act of holding these fearful thoughts within our minds is how the fear controls us. It derails our lives by channeling our energy into what is outside of our control, rather than what is within—our actions, habits, and behaviors."

And she reminds us:

"The things bothering you most are not external tortures; they are your own mind's way of signaling what can be fixed, changed, and transformed."

These words resonated deeply with me as I reflected on my journey as a Chief Information Officer and in building Tech & Thrive, where each step forward meant challenging these internal barriers.

From delivering hundreds of hours of transformative coaching to engaging in countless impactful conversations at conferences, every milestone is a triumph over doubt—a victory worth celebrating.

And there are strategies worth sharing. I’ve compiled them for you, my remarkable sisters (and brothers) of our tech tribe … really for anyone who has ever battled with their own “Cruella.” Because even though the journey of overcoming self-doubt is long, there’s no reason that we should walk it alone.

Here are a few strategies from Wiest’s book and my experience. These aren’t novel—but they’re worth trying, in the hopes that one will “stick” with you:

Document Your Successes: Start a success journal. Each victory, big or small, is a testament to your resilience and skill—a counter to any day's doubt.

Dialogue With Your Inner Critic: Prepare responses to your self-doubt. When “Cruella” speaks, answer with affirmations of your worth, such as, "I acknowledge this thought, but I choose to focus on my achievements."

Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Shift from "I can’t do this" to "I am learning how to do this." Each challenge is an opportunity for growth, pushing you toward greater resilience and mastery.

In this final appeal to you, Remarkable Woman, I urge you to take a moment to acknowledge your own accomplishments. What have you achieved that you've perhaps minimized or overlooked?

Don’t keep them hidden. Share them with me via direct message or tag me on LinkedIn. Let’s fill our feeds and inboxes with triumphs using #ownyourwins.

Because we can crush self-doubt, collectively, shifting the narrative away from “you can’t” to “look at what you did.”

Together, we will rewrite our stories—turning challenges and self-criticism into stepping stones on our journey toward personal happiness and professional success.

Always empowering your journey,

Denise